“I was consumed with health anxiety”

By: Mallory Marshall

Some of my earliest and fondest memories revolve around food. I remember cinnamon rolls and cheesy potatoes and ham at my grandparents’ house. I remember trips to Arctic Circle for family home evening ice cream cones. We would go to Sizzler every once in a while, and I would eat from the buffet until I was so full I would cry all the way home. I would wake up in the morning and ask what was for dinner, always looking forward to the next meal.

Growing up my family ate a mostly Standard American Diet. My mom always made sure we had a vegetable at dinner, and she used whole-wheat over all-purpose flour whenever possible, but we ate a lot of processed food and animal products. In high school I worked at a pizza shop and ate leftover pizza almost daily. Aside from just eating, I have always loved cooking, trying new recipes, and baking desserts, and food has always been an important social connection for me: a way to share, bond with, and give comfort to others.

My grandmother passed away from brain cancer when I was eight years old. I think that started some form of health anxiety in me. I remember getting worried when it was a bad year for the flu or when someone we knew was sick. It wasn’t frequently that I would feel that way, but I worried over my health as well as the health of my parents on occasion. As much as I worried, I was always told, “When it’s your time to go, you’re going to go, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.”

Fast forward several years, when I became pregnant with my first daughter I became more self-conscious and wanted to avoid excess weight gain during pregnancy. I started exercising, which wasn’t something I had ever really enjoyed before. I also started cleaning up my diet. I cut out many added fats (butter, cheese, oily sauces) and removed sugar from my diet as well. After my daughter was born, I started a high protein, low-carb diet. I felt really good and had great energy, but it was more protein than I was used to eating and was difficult to maintain.

A couple years later (2016) my second daughter was born, and I immediately began experiencing extreme postpartum anxiety. I would stand at her bedroom door at night and just cry. I was consumed with health anxiety. I had uncontrolled thoughts that I was going to get cancer or another terminal illness and leave my children without a mother, or worse, that one of my children would. I was also struggling with body dysmorphia issues. I was over exercising, counting calories, and binge eating. I have never been overweight, and I gained healthy amounts of weight during pregnancy, but nevertheless I was obsessed with being in good shape and looking better. At this point I knew I couldn’t go on living with those thoughts or treating myself and my body the way I was.

I was desperate to find a way to be healthy and prevent the disease I was so scared of, as well as feel good about my body physically and not have to obsess over it. I began praying I would find a way to do those things. One Sunday I fasted for an answer to that prayer. The next day I went to the library in search of a book on carb cycling. The book I was looking for was not there, but in its place was another book, The Blue Zones by Dan Beuttner. I checked it out and started reading. As I got further into the book I realized that it was the answer to my prayer and fasting. It talked about people in various “Blue Zones,” people who were living the longest, most disease-free lives in the world. They were eating predominantly plant-based diets and were avoiding all the things I was worried about. The more I read the more the thought came to me that these people were just living the Word is Wisdom. They were enjoying the blessings promised by God because they were caring for their bodies the way He has so lovingly told us we should.

After that I began reading more, watching more documentaries, researching online, and educating myself about moving toward a plant-based diet. My husband initially wasn’t on board with all the changes I was making, but over the years he has come around and realized how much better he feels when we are eating that way. The things I loved before, cooking, trying new recipes, baking desserts, and sharing food with others are still things I love and enjoy. Now they are just things I do in a healthier, plant-powered way. I have noticed now when I eat things that are not the best for my health, how much it affects me mentally. That anxiety that plagued me postpartum rarely shows its face as long as I am following the Word of Wisdom and eating those foods that contribute to my well-being.

In addition to feeling a lot less anxiety about my health, we have enjoyed many additional benefits. My daughter’s eczema has cleared, and I have better skin, fewer breakouts. I notice less mood swings in my kids. We very rarely get sick, and we can more easily feel the Spirit in our home because we are not bogged down with food that makes us feel terrible. I also get more restful sleep and have increased energy.

Switching to a plant-based diet has not come without its challenges. It is easy to eat this way at home, but away from home and in social settings it is difficult. We are trying our best and making the changes we can while also trying to instill healthy eating habits and relationships with food in our children. It is an ongoing process, but I am a firm believer that the Lord loves effort. He will help us as we try to follow His guidance.

The blessings of health bring me great peace of mind. The energy I have to keep up with my young children I owe completely to eating the way God has designed our bodies to thrive. I am so thankful for the Word of Wisdom and for the testimony I have gained of it. I am grateful I received that answer to my prayers and for the peace it has brought to me over the years.

Mallory Marshall (26) lives in Idaho Falls with her husband, three children, and furry pets. She is a stay at home, homeschooling mom. She is also a cosmetologist and does hair from home for family and friends. She loves food and loves to be in the kitchen preparing and sharing. She hopes to someday finish a degree in nutrition and help others find health through a plant-based diet, but for now is encouraging those transitions within her own family and social circle. She loves to read, exercise, camp, hike, and travel.