“I knew I wanted to live and that He wanted me to live, and from that moment, everything changed”

By: Carrie Hopkins

I still remember the eyes of the surgeon who told me, “If you want to live, you must change what you eat. You’re going to die soon, Carrie. You will not live to finish raising your children or to see your grandchildren grow up.” My medical woes were firm evidence that for too long I had failed to heed the wise counsel, warnings of a loving God, found in Section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants.

You would think that a discussion of this magnitude would propel a person to quickly make the recommended changes, and yet I kept this to myself for a time, pondering on whether I wanted to live or die. I was so very tired of being sick, of fighting to live. It had been a while since I’d prayed, but one afternoon I felt prompted to get on my knees. As I talked to my Heavenly Father, I knew I wanted to live and that He wanted me to live, and from that moment, everything changed. When I told Him that I’d do what He wanted me to do, I was not bargaining for my life. All I asked and hoped for that day was to be comforted, whether I was to live or to die, and I did mean what I said. That comfort came immediately, although answers with regard to my health came only after much study and patience.

I decided that afternoon that I would give equal time to my spiritual health as I worked to improve my physical health. If I was going to live, I did not intend to do it halfway. I knew what was ahead would be difficult, to say the least, and I felt strongly that my only hope for success was to strengthen both body and spirit. I haven’t been perfect, but I can say with honesty that from that day to this, I have clung to the promises I’ve made to God, as if my life depends on it. I knew I could not do this alone, nor would I want to try. In ways that have strengthened my testimony in a loving God who sends personal revelation, I have been lifted many times by Him to do what I am certain I could never do on my own. Now, many years later, the joy I feel is beyond my ability to express.

When I decided I wanted to live, I sat down with the surgeon’s notes, the Word of Wisdom, Isaiah Chapter 58, Discovering the Word of Wisdom and several other books, and I made a plan. I basically went cold turkey. One minute I was one of a large crowd who ate the standard American diet and the next minute, that was the end of that. I knew myself well enough to know that I couldn’t do this with a foot in both worlds. I had to allow myself time for my tastes to change, and they did. The first month or month and a half was pretty hilarious actually, but I persisted.

Change of any sort is difficult. When a rocket heads to space, those first few miles pulling away from earth are the hardest as the power of gravity has to be fought against. But what is new and difficult initially does get easier with time. Prayer helped me tremendously in this regard. I fasted for strength and wisdom as well. I felt a great need to get this unruly “natural man” more under control and to get my spirit in the driver’s seat.

I remember once, in my zeal to create a better whole grain cereal option that I could cook for breakfast, I began putting all sorts of dried grains and beans through an old heavy-duty cast iron hand grinder we somehow had ended up with. It was a lot of work, and I was surprised at how many different foods I was finding in the storage room and pantry that could be added, things I deemed healthy. In addition to dried beans, grains, and rice, I came across some freeze dried peas and added those along with various raw nuts. Eventually, I had an enormous metal bowl of roughly ground cereal. My plan was to store this in Ziploc bags in the freezer. As I set to work filling bags, I decided I was hungry. I cooked a bowl of my new cereal and discovered it wasn’t what I expected. I thought it was rather terrible actually. This was at what I still think of as “the beginning,” as I was trying to change a lifetime of old eating habits. It’s funny now such a small moment could have been so pivotal for me, but it was, because I learned an important lesson. Like Ether with his problem of light in his barges, I now had a problem, and I determined to ask for help.

I love Alma 37:37, “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and He will direct thee for good.” I got on my knees to counsel with God. I told Heavenly Father that I was grateful for all this food that he’d created for me and that I didn’t want to waste any of it. I told Him that I understood that it would be healthy and nourishing for my sick body. I also explained that I was trying to change, and that I knew for certain that I couldn’t do this alone. I then asked for a very specific blessing. I reminded Heavenly Father of the Book of Mormon story of Lehi and his family wandering around in the wilderness. They had only raw meat to eat, but Heavenly Father made that meat taste sweet unto them. I asked if He could please do the same for me—if He could make my new cereal sweet—or at least acceptable, a little more palatable to my broken physical body that so badly needed healing. I also asked for patience with myself as I learned. When I decided the next morning to combine a little of the steel cut oats I was already used to with my newly ground cereal and cook it, I was surprised to find that I loved it. I’ve continued to eat this most mornings for breakfast. I can honestly say that I enjoy it.

It’s thought provoking when I consider that I’m eating food that has sustained life since Adam and Eve were put on this earth. I have discovered a deep gratitude in myself for the tremendous variety of fruit, vegetables, beans, and grains that God has provided for us. Sometimes I peel an orange, or open a pea pod and really look at it and think, “This divine little package—this delicious food, is really amazing.” I can feel the deep love Heavenly Father has for us when I notice daily how carefully this world and everything in it was created—for us.

At first, I was too weak and sick to even walk much. The only change I made was to follow my plan to the letter with regard to what I ate. I ate a variety of beans, grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds. Weight seemed to disappear from my frame. With time, I was well enough to head for the trails in the mountains, but I think I continue to do that more because my spirit seems to soar there, rather than out of some desire to check exercise off my list for the day. Since that day, all of the medical disasters, large and small, in several doctor’s files have corrected themselves, and I was taken off all medications. I’ve also lost a tremendous amount of weight, for which I’m grateful. Of course, there are no guarantees in life when it comes to one’s health, but I promised myself that I’d do my best to take care of this body and spirit I’ve been given. There is always hope because of the Savior. The atonement of Jesus Christ gives us not just the opportunity to repent when needed, but also great power to change in every way, to become like the Savior and to return home. I can honestly say that fasting and prayer, as well as serving in the temple, attending church meetings, and trying to live and love others as God directs has been of as much benefit to me as changing what I choose to eat.

Often when I have to explain, for some reason, what I don’t eat and why, the common reaction is, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” I smile at this because I truly am not sorry. It’s as if a door has opened to so much I never knew with regard to food and to my physical and spiritual health. I can honestly say that I’m grateful for those dark days, because they were a springboard that vaulted me into the light. Hope is a great gift. I don’t intend to ever let go of it.

Recently, I sat with my family, listening to a choir sing beautifully a song called “It Is Well With My Soul.” I was captivated and intrigued. I’d never heard it before. Wanting to know more, I came home and did some reading online as I listened to it again. Horatio Spafford was a successful lawyer in Chicago when his young son died. Shortly after the tragedy, nearly every real estate investment he owned was destroyed in the Great Chicago Fire. A few years later, in 1873, he decided to send his wife and daughters on a vacation, a boat trip to Europe to give them a reprieve from the turmoil caused by these trials. He was to join them once he’d finished some business. Days later, he received a telegram from his wife telling him that the boat had sunk at sea and that she alone had been rescued. Sadly, their four daughters had not been saved. Horatio wrote these words as he crossed the ocean to meet his heartbroken wife. I sat at my desk, struck by the courage and faith it must have taken him on that journey to say, “When peace like a river attendeth my way; When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, ‘It is well, it is well with my soul.’” That is the courage and the faith I prayed for that day and continue to seek.

I know, without a doubt, that the human body—and spirit – have a remarkable ability to heal, if given the opportunity and this is God’s will. In my daily travels from point A to B, I often pass the cemetery, and I remember the promises found at the end of the Word of Wisdom that I memorized when I decided I wanted to live.

And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings,

walking in obedience to the commandments,

shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them,

as the children of Israel, and not slay them.

Amen.

Doctrine and Covenants 89:18-21

These words are truth. Someday, one of those headstones will be mine, and I’ll go home to the God who created me and sent me here to earth. When that happens, I want to be able to tell Him that with the exception of those times He and I have already discussed, when I ended up in the ditch instead of staying on the path He showed me, I have made the most of every minute He gave me.

Carrie Hopkins (51) lives in Provo, Utah. She and her husband have been married for 31 years and have 6 children and almost 5 grandchildren. She has been blessed to be a stay-at-home Mom for much of her married life, though she often supports her husband in his work. She enjoys hiking in the mountains, family dinners, game nights, camping, doing projects as a family, and serving others. Her dream is to visit Ghana and those she loves there before my life here is over. She’d also love to serve a mission.