“I’ve battled depression most of my adult life and been suicidal on multiple occasions”

By: DaNae Dayley

It’s been just over a year since I started eating a whole food, plant based diet. I wanted to wait until I had spectacular before and after photos to share my story, but the main theme of my story isn’t about weight loss, that’s just been part of the journey. I feel like what I have to share is important enough that it needs to be told. Right now.

Depression is not the absence of happiness. I would describe myself as an optimistic, fun-loving, happy person—with Major Depressive Disorder. Having MDD is like wearing an invisible backpack full of heavy rocks all the time. No matter how much you want to do something, those rocks will make it a whole lot harder, and some days, they make it literally impossible. I still get emotional just reminiscing about it. For me, being suicidal was when those rocks were so heavy that I didn’t even have the energy to breathe.

In many ways, my life has been ideal. I have lots of people who love me, a beautiful home, plenty to eat, and many friends. My circumstances had nothing to do with my depression. I didn’t understand this for way too long. I have battled depression most of my adult life, and I’ve been suicidal on multiple occasions.

In my 30s and most of my 40s, I was exhausted and in pain most of the time and there was nothing medically wrong with me. Doctors weren’t helpful because all my tests came back normal. We were all mystified.

Up to that point, I felt like my diet was pretty healthy most of the time, and I was very active. I loved to be outside and exercise was a high priority for me. A list of my favorite things to do included hiking, camping, jeeping, and karate.

But the more tired I felt, the less healthy our meals became and the more weight I gained. I was devastated that my kids would have memories of me as an overweight, practically bed-ridden mother that never had the energy to do fun things with them. During this time, I actually remember looking at the Word of Wisdom and wondering why I couldn’t “run and not be weary” and “walk and not faint.” (D&C 89:20) It never occurred to me that I needed to cut down my meat consumption or even eat more fruits and vegetables. When I had the energy, I felt like I was making very healthy choices. Small servings of lean meat, veggies, and whole grains. The problem was that the worse I felt the more that turned into take-out or frozen prepared meals, and the less I even cared.

Over the years, I’d watched my husband’s family struggle with anxiety, and eventually, it affected my husband as well. He was on medication for a while, but he hated it. It never did more than help him cope with the worst of his anxiety, so he went off it as soon as he possibly could. For a long time, I had no desire to try antidepressants, even when I was feeling suicidal.

In 2016, my son who also struggled with anxiety found a medication that changed his world and mine. It was the first time in years that I had seen my bright, happy boy. I had had no idea that he had been so affected. I just thought it was part of puberty! I had resisted the idea of medication for my kids just as I had resisted it for me. When I saw the change in him, I knew that I needed the same kind of help.

Within weeks of going on Zoloft, I felt great! I lost 15 pounds. I wasn’t depressed and even more astonishing, all my energy was back and I no longer hurt all the time! After years of wondering what was wrong with me, I discovered that MDD has so many more symptoms than just feeling down.

And that’s where my story could have ended. One more “happily” medicated American moving into middle age and toward a more heavily medicated future.

But I was lucky. Every single antidepressant I tried had a side effect that I couldn’t live with. From chronic insomnia (three days without sleep), to clenching my teeth so hard that my jaw and neck were always in pain, to incessant stomach cramps. And those were the medications that helped. I went on several that made my depression significantly worse. There was one that was so bad that my husband had to stay close for several days while I was coming off it to protect me.

Meanwhile, my weight just kept climbing. I would lose 10-15 pounds here and there, but it would never stay off for long. I reached a high of 230 pounds. During this time, I took a trip to Italy with my husband for our 25th anniversary. Although I was tough enough to climb the Duomo in Florence (463 steps), that was where my stamina ended. My husband would leave me to rest in the hotel room in the afternoons while he would do things that I had no energy for. Airplane seats were uncomfortable and the bus seats were even worse. Of course the trip was wonderful! And absolutely miserable.

By this time, I had completely given up on my weight. Always an avid exerciser (when I had the energy), I had even stopped doing that. I figured I would find my happiness where I could, in eating “good” food with my family. There were lots of steak and hamburger cook outs. Roast and pulled pork were also favorites. I was literally holding out for the resurrection.

When my friend Rachel Echols (see her story) decided to try a whole food, plant-based diet, I was completely supportive! I just had no intention of doing the same. After all, my cholesterol was just fine and there was no way I was going to give up the one thing I was still enjoying in life. I knew that a fully plant-based diet would mean that I was always explaining myself to family and friends, that I couldn’t eat what was often offered at church socials and friends’ parties, and that I would have to eat ahead of time or bring my own food. Who has the time or energy for that?

Turns out I do!

It took Rachel a year of proving to me that the whole food, plant-based diet was working wonders in her life before I was even willing to consider it. We had different health challenges. She had high cholesterol, and I was debilitated by depression, so I couldn’t see how eating the way she did would help me. But I was nearing the end of my rope and nearing the end of the list of medications that could help me out. On top of that, my youngest son, at the age of 15, weighed over 300 pounds even though we had been working with a weight-loss clinic for nearly a year. We had discussed bariatric surgery with his doctor. That was definitely motivation to try something drastic.

I talked it over with my husband first. I wanted to try this for me, I wanted to try it for my son. I needed help in every way for it to work in our home. He agreed to help. Then we sat down with the two teenage boys that were still at home. The oldest was normal weight and healthy, so it was a big ask for him. We read the Word of Wisdom together, and I shared everything I learned about the diet over the weeks I had been considering it. I gave my copy of Discovering the Word of Wisdom by Jane Birch to my youngest son and gave him an incentive to read it. We talked about putting the Lord to the test and how he encouraged experiments on His word. We talked about Daniel and his friends, and we decided that we would follow his plan. Just ten days.

Before the ten days was even up, we had all stopped counting. We were all in! Within six months, we had lost a collective weight between the four of us of 200 pounds. My husband was down to his ideal weight and my youngest son had passed his first 50 pound goal. Even my son that wasn’t overweight lost 20 pounds.

Most significantly, anxiety and depression cleared up in all of us. Life looks brighter and more appealing than it has in a long time. I feel even better than I ever did on an antidepressant, and there are no crazy side effects! My life is back, and that means everything!

Getting started was tough. I had no experience in cooking without meat and dairy and very little in cooking without oil. At first, I just threw in veggies in place of the meat in the few family favorites that weren’t primarily meat and didn’t have any dairy: Spaghetti, curry, taco soup. New recipes are still the hardest thing for me. I’m trying and learning, and I can’t wait until we can go to one of Jane’s potlucks, because I could sure use some new recipes that I know I’ll love!

But I continually tell people that this was the hardest diet I have ever started, and the easiest to stay on. In the Discovering the Word of Wisdom video, Orva Johnson says “You can’t love your food as much as I love my food.” That statement has really stuck with me, and guess what? After going whole food, plant-based, I really love my food. I don’t have cravings. Every other diet I’ve tried left me craving sweet things. On a whole food, plant based diet, I feel satisfied all the time.

When I went to my doctor for my yearly checkup recently, my cholesterol numbers were almost identical to what they were before I started this journey: normal. But my success story is in the evaluation for depression that they have me fill out now every time I visit the doctor. I passed it with flying colors! It was the first time in many years that I could answer that I have interest in life, energy, and vitality. I wake up early every morning with an interest in life and plans for a wonderful new day. I used to wish I would die relatively young, and now I want to live to a ripe and healthy old age because there is so much more for me to do!

Some days those rocks come back. I think everyone has invisible rocks sometimes. But guess what? It’s always short lived. I am actually still surprised when I feel fine a few hours after feeling really stressed or down. I haven’t rebounded this well in many, many years!

I love my life. I love how the blessings promised in the relatively few verses of scripture found in the Word of Wisdom can be filled with so much richness, truth, and wisdom. It has truly been a treasure of knowledge for me. It makes me eager to study the scriptures more intently to discover what I’m missing.

Lisa DaNae Dayley (48) lives in Spanish Fork, Utah with her husband. Together they have raised four boys. They have one grandson and another on the way. Despite her challenges—maybe even because of them—she has tried to pack life full of all sorts of fun things. She has traveled to 9 foreign countries, been published, scuba dived on the Great Barrier Reef, sung in Carnegie Hall, climbed the Eiffel tower, and done all sorts of incredible things closer to home as well. She feels incredibly blessed that she can continue to enjoy life to its fullest because following the Word of Wisdom has given her new health and vitality.