By: Christine Wilkins
A 14-year-old is too young to be overly concerned about food. But that was me. There are specific moments with food that I remember from my teenage—and even childhood—years because of the guilt I felt for having eaten so much of something and not knowing when to quit. I wanted to be thin so, so badly. For the sake of being thin. I felt powerless in my relationship with food, and I thought that going without food or applying other extreme means to reverse my overeating habit might be the answer. The weight of those feelings brought me to my knees. I feared I would deal with my food addiction for the rest of my life, that it would be my personal trial of mortality. Even at this young age I prayed with deep desire for help to overcome my obsession with food. In my mind, that translated to Heavenly Father taking away those natural-man desires; essentially, I hoped He would correct my brain. Of course, that is not how He works. And I’m grateful for the journey it has been—through study, prayer, and experimentation—to get to where I am today with my health.
My teen-through-early-adult years were full of fulfillment, but they were tainted by the ready access to cheap cake mixes and other indulgences, namely ice cream. I actually have a picture of a high school friend and me shoving cake into each other’s mouths. This image is a good representation of my two favorite hobbies at the time: hanging out with friends . . . and cake. I gained friends and confidence in high school, but I also gained weight—30 pounds of it, from start to finish.
Midnight donuts and chocolate milk. Bets to scarf down a whole pizza or a triple Baconator—challenges I accepted and over which I prevailed. (And I thought I was proving my strength of will.) Free soda and popcorn on my movie theater shifts. Half-price fast food during Wendy’s shifts. Confectionary samples during bakery shifts at a grocery store. Is it a wonder why I was so drawn to food-service jobs?
In my young-adult mind, my unhealthy habits and their consequences were disconnected. The miracle is in how I got through four years of higher education with the little energy I had. I don’t exaggerate by saying I probably spent half the time sleeping. The sense of powerlessness I had felt at 14 stayed with me, especially when I was alone and free to eat cake and slip into the accompanying sugar coma.
I wonder if you’ve ever felt as I have—that you were meant for “greater things than these” (Mormon 8:12) but were waiting for that change to happen to you rather than realizing the power to change was within reach. When I was 16, before I really felt the weight of my gluttony, I was given to know in my patriarchal blessing that Heavenly Father had blessed me with “physical strength and vigor.” I had seen this blessing manifested on my high school dance and cross-country teams and in the workplace. The “physical strength and vigor” were present when I felt accountable to other people. However, my accountability to myself yielded lethargy; I knew something had to be missing because I didn’t always experience those blessings I had been promised.
By: Julianne Kravetz
By: Jane Golson
Note from Jane: This is the latest in a monthly series by Duffy, who went whole food, plant-based late in 2013 with the goal of losing over 200+ pounds. To see previous posts, 
